Snape Gets Even
by willowfairy
Summary: The title says it all.
1. Snape Gets Even

Alright, my friend Kim (Linwe) was telling me that a girl on the WB's Harry Potter site (  wants Harry to die in every story. Well, in my current story, he doesn't die, so I figured I would write a story just for her that has Harry dying. Here I go!

Snape Gets Even

It was a dark and stormy night. Professor Severus Snape was sitting in his dungeons plotting ways to get rid of a 'certain' student.  

"Damn that rotten snot. Always being brave. Reminds me of his father. What a loser. My Master wishes him gone. But how? It has to be devious, very devious." Snape started cackling evilly rubbing his hands together. Then he jumped up and a small light bulb appeared over his head. "I've got it!!" He ran out of his office and down the hall, looking for Filch.

He found Filch a few minutes later yelling at a student. It was a Hufflepuff first year and Snape laughed evilly.

"Filch! We need to talk." He had stalked up behind the cranky caretaker and yelled, making Filch jump. "My office, now." Snape swept off down the hall, his cloak billowing ominously.

"Certainly, sir." Filch ran after the potions master. They entered the dank, dark office and Snape seated himself behind his large desk. "What is it you need, Severus? I'm happy to oblige." Snape smiled at him evilly.

"I need some of you torturing devices, Angus. My master, The Dark Lord, wishes a certain student dead. But he must be killed slowly and painfully." Snape walked around the desk and whispered in Filches ear. "Do you have what I need?" Filches eyes glittered evilly.

"Yes, yes I do. The items will be in the south dungeon by 11 tonight. Is that soon enough?"

"Perfect. Don't keep my Master waiting though. He wishes to watch through the fire. Make sure it is ready."

"Yes Sir!" Filch left quickly, as it was 10. Everything must be ready in an hour. He entered his office and grabbed multiple sharp hooks and knives, along with some chains. He cackled evilly and strode out. Meanwhile, Snape was in his office laughing madly.

"MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! (A/N: think Jafar from Aladdin when he starts laughing after sending Aladdin to Siberia in the tower thing.) HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" He stopped to catch his breath. "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" He smiled wickedly and left the dungeon, looking for his prey.

Harry Potter was sitting in the Gryffindor common room, playing Wizards Chess against his best friend, Ron Weasley. He was losing terribly. Ron made a final move.

"Checkmate. I win." Ron smiled smugly.

"Bloody Hell! I thought I had you that time!" Harry started grumbling to himself. "Stupid know it all git. He cheats horribly. Has to to keep winning. Cheater." He stood up and looked at the clock. "Shit! I have to get to detention with Snape!" He ran out of the portrait hole and down to the dungeons. 

"Your late, Potter." Snape was sitting behind his desk, waiting.

"Sorry, Professor. I got sidetracked."

"Don't 'sorry' me. You have work to do, now do it!" Snape pointed at some cauldrons and swept out of the room to finish the preparations.

Harry set to work cleaning the cauldrons. They were the first years and they were disgusting. Little eyeballs kept floating up to the top of the soapy water. Harry grimaced and kept washing. Almost as bad as washing dishes at the Dursleys. Thank god he was a 7th year. He never had to see them again. Half an hour later, Snape swept back into the dungeons. Harry had just completed the final cauldron.

"All done, Professor. May I go now?"

"No. I have one more job for you. Come." Snape left the room, Harry close on his heels.

Snape smiled evilly to himself. The stupid Gryffindor was walking right into his trap. He led him through the dungeons at a quick pace, every step drawing him closer to Harry's doom. Finally, they reached the door. Snape opened it and went in. Harry followed. 

Immediately, he bound Harry up, then strapped him to a table with the chains. He called his master through the fire.

"O Dark One. The Boy-Who-Lived is about to die." Voldemorts ugly face appeared in the fire.

"Wonderful. Make sure it's painful." Voldemort cackled evilly. (A/N: There is quite a bit of cackling going on here….)

"Yes My Lord." Snape turned back to Harry. He picked up a very sharp hooked instrument. "Say good bye, Harry Potter." He grinned evilly and started cutting open the boy's stomach. Harry yelled in pain. Snape cut out a star and a donkey before completely slicing him open. Grabbing the pinchers, he pulled out Harry's intestines and put them in a pool of water. That would keep him alive for a while longer. Then, he cut out his liver and kidneys. They would fetch a very high price on the black market. Finally, he cracked the boy's ribs and cut out a lung, then the heart and the other lung. Snape was going to be rich. He turned back to his master triumphantly. "He's dead, O Dark One"

"Good job, Severus. You will be justly rewarded."

"Thank you, My Lord." Snape put out the fire and left the room, taking the organs with him.

*Four Days Later- Newspaper Clipping*

Harry Potter, the Boy-Who-Lived lives no more. His corpse was found in the Hogwarts dungeons earlier today. All his internal organs were missing and it is thought that he died a few days ago. The authorities are still not sure who the murderer could be, but most people suspect He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named. He left behind a legacy, and two best friends. They both declined comment.

~*~*~*~

Severus Snape started laughing evilly after he finished the article. He had finally killed the Boy-Who-Lived. Today was a good day. A very good day.


	2. Voldemort Wins

Well, surprise surprise. I got bored again. I have no life so that isn't out of the ordinary. Anyway, I got to thinking about Heather (WB's HP site where my other fic is also posted) again. She always wants Harry to die. I wrote her one story, and now I'm going to write another. Enjoy!

Voldemort Wins

Voldemorts POV'

"Wormtail! I have had enough of your worthlessness!" He glared at the cowering mass huddled in front of his chair. An evil grin crossed his face. "Avada Kedavra." The last thought crossing Peter Pettigrew's mind was 'Why the Hell did I ever come back?' Voldemort started laughing evilly.

"MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" He sat back and started thinking about how he could kill the insolent 'Boy-Who-Lived.' It was time for Harry James Potter to die.

Harry's POV

It was another lazy Saturday afternoon. I was sitting in my room at the Dursleys. Dudley was downstairs yelling about something. I had tuned him out ages ago. Hedwig's cage was empty. She had left earlier this morning to deliver some letters to Ron and Hermione. Now I had nothing to do. I sighed and pulled Quidditch through the Ages out of my trunk and started reading. I was almost done with the eighth chapter when my scar started hurting. Great, now he was bothering me. Couldn't I get one summers worth of peace? I grumbled then fell asleep so I could get the dream that always accompanied my scar hurting.

*~*~*

Wormtail slumped to the floor after the blinding flash of green light. Voldemort started laughing evilly. Lucius Malfoy strode into the room.

"Master, we have a way to get to Harry Potter."

"What is it?"

"His family has agreed to sell him to us for a million pounds."

"A million? Tell them to hand him over or I will blow them to smithereens and take the boy. He's not worth a million. If they refuse to back down, offer them two-fifty." Malfoy nodded and left the room muttering 'What the hell are pounds?' under his breath. Voldemort started laughing evilly. "Mine mine. All mine. To slice and dice and chop chop chop." He started humming happily to himself, muttering things like 'slice, fillet, broil, consume' under his breath.

*4 hours later*

Malfoy dragged Harry into the room with Voldemort. He was dazed due to repeated hits to the head.

"Hello Potter." Voldemort hissed evilly, barely able to contain his giddiness.

"Hello, Riddle." Harry figured someone would come to his rescue. They always did.

"Don't call me that, insolent boy. Today, you will die. Doesn't that sound like fun?" Harry paled.

"Umm, no, not really. Could we wait a few more days? My birthday is in three days and Hermione promised me a really cool present. And I'm supposed to go visit Ron next week. How does after Christmas holidays sound?" Harry was babbling on. "Because then I would know it was coming and be scared." He pointed to Lucius standing behind him. "He didn't do a very good job of getting me here. Almost lost me before we even apparated. You should fire him. He's horrible." Lucius turned purple with rage.

"Oh wise Master, may I knock him around a bit?"

"No. Go away, it's my turn to have fun. Oh, and kill your wife and feed her to Fluffy. She's getting really annoying."

"Yes, My Lord."

"Oh, and don't forget to hire the Elvis impersonator and make some meatloaf."

"Yes, My Lord."

"You aren't gone yet?" Lucius ran out of the room to do his masters bidding. Voldemort turned to the boy standing in front of him. Well, not standing. More like hunched over because he was laughing so hard.

"Meat *snort* meatloaf! *giggle* and fluffy **snort laugh* and Elvis!" Harry fell over laughing. "Where's Zheng Hu and his missing reading glass*snort* glasses?" he lay there laughing hysterically. Voldemort looked at him like he was crazy.

"What are you talking about, you young fool? And who is Zheng Hu?" Harry was laughing to hard to answer. "Answer me, fool or pay the consequences!" Harry sat up, still laughing.

"Zheng Hu was a Chinese explorer in the early 15th century."

"And what about his reading glasses?" Harry started laughing hysterically again. "Answer me!"

"Reading books is the euphemism Mr. Leo used for the word that rhymes with 'hex'." Voldemort sat there for a moment, thinking hard. Suddenly he turned bright red.

"You mean?" Harry nodded. "Ok. Well, I still have to kill you." Harry frowned.

"You mean it?' Voldemort nodded. "Awww man. But I haven't read a book yet."

"You can't read and you are a sixth year student?"

"No, I mean I haven't _read a book." Voldemort blushed again._

"Well, that's not my problem. Boys your age shouldn't even be thinking about that anyway. Thoughts of how to get more power would be much better." Harry frowned and tried the 'puppy' look. "Nope, that won't work with me. Now, how would you like to die?"

"I get to pick?"

"Yup. Which way?" Harry thought about it for a minute the smiled. "Well?"

"I want to die a natural death when I turn 126."

"Alright." Voldemort thought about it for a minute. "Wait a minute! That's not fair!"

"Yes it is, you said I get to pick."

"Well you can't pick that. Pick again."

"Alright, I want to die a natural death when I turn 128." Voldemort shook his head. "127?"

"No." Harry thought for a second.

"100?"

"Nope."

"85"

"No."

"129, and that's my final offer. And you can kill me then, if you like."

"Deal!" Voldemort smiled evilly. "So, how many years do I have to wait?"

"113."

"Can I kill you on your birthday?"

"No, how about the day after."

"Sounds good. See you then, Potter." Voldemort waved and Harry walked out of the room. He started muttering to himself. "113 years, 113 years, 113 years…."

~*~*~*~*~

ALTERNATE ENDING

"Yup. Which way?" Harry thought about it for a minute the smiled. "Well?"

"I want to die a natural death when I turn 126."

"Alright." Voldemort thought about it for a minute. "Wait a minute! That's not fair!"

"Yes it is, you said I get to pick."

"Well you can't pick that. Pick again."

"Alright, I want to die a natural death when I turn 128." Voldemort shook his head. "127?"

"No." Harry thought for a second.

"100?"

"Nope."

"85"

"No."

"129, and that's my final offer. And you can kill me then, if you like."

"Deal!" Voldemort smiled evilly. "So, how many years do I have to wait?"

"113."

"Can I kill you on your birthday?"

"No, how about the day after."

"Sounds good. See you then, Potter." Harry turned to leave the room. "Wait a minute! I don't want to wait to kill you! I want to do it now!"

"Now, Tom, you're acting like a little kid. We made a deal, it's not fair if you break it."

"I don't care! Time to die Potter! Avada Kedavra!" A brilliant flash of green lit up the room and Harry Potter fell to the ground, dead. Voldemort started laughing. "MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" A few minutes later, Lucius came down the stairs with a pan of meatloaf. He and Voldemort ate it and ran away to Vegas to get married by the Elvis impersonator.

THE END

I'm sorry, Heather. It's just that Voldemort is too stupid to kill Harry, at least here. Oh, and to everyone reading this, its full of inside jokes. This is what happens when you have to much soda and stay awake until 3:10 in the morning. Hope you liked it!

~K~


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